Santa

You may find it odd that I am writing an article about Santa in the middle of March. Most of us are so happy that the jolly fat man has been put away for the next eight months that we can hardly contain ourselves. That was my feeling, too, until a strange thing happened on top of a mountain here in the famed Kyrgyz Republic.

In the middle of January, my family was eating a normal dinner, watching the Kyrgyz news. There was a special report on about caves or something (I really wasn’t sure what the hell they were talking about). Then, in the distance, a man in a red coat and hat planted a flag into a peak and claimed it “Mt. Santa Claus.” From then on, this year in Kyrgyzstan has been called “The Year of Santa.”

I don’t want to speculate on the existence of Santa (he isn’t real, Justin), but this whole event was orchestrated by the national tourism board as a way to increase the number of tourists that come to Kyrgyzstan. How would a year dedicated to ol’ St. Nick make that happen? To be honest, I just have to assume that I am not smart enough to comprehend such a brilliant marketing campaign. I have to accept my limitations as an intellectual being.

The idea may have started back in November, when a logistics company (I forget the name) sent out a press release regarding Santa Claus. In the statement, the company suggested, based on demographics and other variables, that Santa’s optimum center for operations would be here in Kyrgyzstan. Our access to population centers like China and India along with our proximity to Europe made us the prime candidate. While the message was merely a simple ploy to get people interested in the company, it may just be possible that they tricked the Kyrgyz government into believing Santa Claus actually lived in our neck of the woods.

The biggest problem with Santa in this country is that people don’t understand what he is or what he does. Because this is a Muslim nation, the people do not celebrate Christmas. However, because of Soviet domination, they were forced to give up their religious and ethnic celebrations. The Soviets made New Year’s Day a pillar holiday. Somehow along the way, people starting associating Kris Kringle with New Year’s. On December 31^st, there are people dressed like Santa everywhere, not to mention the “New Year’s Trees” that everyone puts up and decorates. I can only assume that the commercialization of Christmas being translated into additional tourist dollars is the goal.

I cannot put into words exactly how insanely stupid this idea is. However, I can say that my organization, Altyn Kol, has started making felt Santa Clauses to sell to various organizations in Bishkek. They are cute little buggers (Santa rides on a yak instead of a reindeer pulled sled) and I think we are making a tidy little profit off of them. In conclusion, most of the people who regularly read this blog will be getting a felt Santa next year for Christmas. At least you will know what to do with it.