Concerts on TV

To put it lightly, television is a little different over here than it is in the States. We have a lot of various Russian TV channels that we receive via our gigantic satellite dish. This is not DirecTV by any stretch, but it offers a solid twenty channels to choose from. The shows that are shown here are the ones that have absolutely no “moral” implications. No shows that mention premarital relations, adultery, or homosexuality. Because of the rigid standards, these Russian channels consist primarily of two things: bad American television and even worse Russian concerts.

The bad American TV can be broken down into three distinct categories: terrible cable shows, “after school specials”, and 80’s movies. The cable shows are typically science fiction or something with a lot of action and little plot. My youngest host brother, Aziz, loves the serialization of StarGate (an awesome movie from the mid 90’s). The show, however, is not nearly as awesome. The “after school special” department consists of tween type shows that are about high school life that in no way reflect actual high school life (think Saved by the Bell, except not nearly as cool). I take my afternoon tea with a show called Big Wolf on Campus which is centered on a boy who is a werewolf, but tries to lead a normal, high school life (because the idiom “on campus” doesn’t translate well, the show is called Tommy Werewolf in Russian). Needless to say, the show is pretty bad. Finally, 80’s movies fill the weekend with great memories of a simpler time: like that time Chuck Norris had to fight a drug ring and an out-of-control police robot in Canada. Sadly, these movies are not classics and are similar to the terrible cable shows in the high action/low plot arena. (If anybody can find out the name of that movie, I would really appreciate it. I walked in halfway and the Russian title translated into Kyrgyz really didn’t make much sense.)

The other category is concerts. For lack of a better phrase, I just have to say that Kyrgyz people eat that up. They love it. My Apa becomes transfixed during the Kyrgyz concerts on Sunday nights. I have to admit that I don’t mind the Kyrgyz “concerts.” I have to be careful using that word, because it is really much more like early MTV done Kyrgyz style: low budgets, an old lady VJ, and only songs about how much we should love our parents (really wishing I was making the last one up). At least the Kyrgyz concerts give me a way to practice my listening skills. The Russian concerts, however, are definitely concerts. Large auditorium, some 60 year old lady singing a bunch of songs I don’t know. It makes me laugh how much my parents enjoy some of the older performers. You can just tell that some of these singers were an integral part of their lives in the Soviet days. I guess if they enjoy it, it can’t be that bad.

There is one more category that probably doesn’t deserve its own category, but definitely deserves an honorable mention. Russia has its own Candid Camera-type series, but with a twist: all of the pranks involve beautiful, young Russian women somehow losing their clothes and Russian men reacting. Walls falling down in dressing rooms, skirts getting caught on escalators, boobs falling out while pointing. Nothing is too over the top for this production and because of Russia’s lax broadcast rules, we lucky viewers get to see the whole shebang. At first I thought it was kind of funny, but now it just creeps me out. Either I’m maturing or I’m just a stick in the mud. Not sure which.

But perhaps the worst part about the TV here is that I don’t understand any of it. We only have two Kyrgyz language channels and a solid half of their programming is in Russian. The Kyrgyz half is spoken way too fast for me to understand, though I am starting to pick up on pieces during the news. My favorite show, by far, is called Kermebet Kocho (Kermebet’s Street). It is an animated UNICEF program designed to teach kids things about safety and health in a “fun” way. I like it because the two main characters and their crazy cast of friends speak very slowly. Even with my limited language skills, I learned not to throw firecrackers at other people.

In all, I have to say that I do not watch nearly as much television as I used to, which I would say is a good thing. My family does sit around the dinner table and watch TV not so differently than most American families. They may have a lot fewer channels, but they certainly enjoy a good evening around the boob tube.